Abstinence, Condoms Or The Dirty Sanchez?

September 3, 2009 at 3:31 pm 2 comments

Serious Facts, Sarcastic Tone
EDIT – Because so many people find this article by searching ‘gonorrhea’ I have decided to place a link here to a helpful site that covers the ways to treat it (Don’t worry, it is easily curable): Link

So it’s a known truth that everyone likes sex (accept for poor Islamic girls who have their hoo-ha’s cut out.) It’s also a known fact that about half of marriages fail but herpes is forever. So what’s a responsible person to do? Here we’ll look at a few strategies and compare the ups and downs, pros and cons.

Plan #1 The Condom
Protect yourself. Sure it’s only 98% effective, but you weren’t planning on having sex more than 100 times anyways, right? Oh, and also just so you know, condoms don’t protect against STDs (or STIs, whatever they call them now) that are transmitted through skin abrasion and rubbing (Such as herpes and crabs).
You Get: A false sense of security.
You Lose: The ability to feel anything through the rubber that’s strangling your penis (men only)

Plan #2 The Pill (Plus Trust)
Find somebody you trust, then have sex using the pill to avoid pregnancy. No constricting condom, no unwanted kids, all the HIV you can get. Well no HIV really, so long as you trust the other person to be clean, because they’d tell you if they had something… right?
You Get: A trusting loving relationships and HOPEFULLY nothing else.
You Lose: That trusting loving relationship if you do get something else.

Plan #3 The Jonas Brothers
God has a simple solution, don’t have sex! Fight the urge and become celibate! Or if you absolutely must have sex, then wait till marriage. Why not? I mean sure it will take a lot of self control, and sure you might end up marrying someone who’s completely inadequate in bed, but you won’t know that! Because you won’t have anything to compare them to. Of course like I said earlier, half of marriages fail.
You Get: The kind of bliss that only self-imposed ignorance can bring.
You Lose: The opportunity to have sex with anyone other than one person… ever.

gonorrheaPlan #4 Just Be A Slut / Player
Fuck it. Actually fuck everyone! Throw caution to the wind and go have some sex!
You Get: Gonorrhea, AIDs, teen pregnancy.
You Lose: The opportunity to have sex with anyone with an once of self-respect.

Plan #5 Be A Gold Digger / Prostitute
There two ways to go about this, the wrong way, and the right way. If you go this way then don’t go for the cheap action, save up for the $3.7 million!
You Get: Money, a bad reputation, to have sex with old people.
You Lose: Your virginity, your dignity.

Plan #6 Porn
That’s right kids, sex can wait, just masterbate. Go have sex with someone you know loves you, yourself. Just stay away from anything that comes out of Japan, those people are messed up!
You Get: Computer viruses, spy ware, an unrealistic view of sex.
You Lose: The desire to form lasting relationships instead of seeking cheap instant gratification.

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Good.

FREE FREE FREE!!! FOX News’ Double Standard

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. cs go giveaway  |  January 2, 2017 at 8:24 pm

    Hi, i believe that i saw you visited my weblog so i got here to go back the prefer?.I’m
    attempting to to find things to improve my site!I assume its ok
    to make use of some of your concepts!!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Read This BEFORE Writing Me Hate Mail

This Thing Tells Time And Stuff

September 2009
M T W T F S S
« Aug   Oct »
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  

I Wrote These Somewhat Recently

Find My Older Posts Here


%d bloggers like this: